How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
