Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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