i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
