please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
