i just had sex bonerless
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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