I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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