You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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