I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
