The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize