She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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