I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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