I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
