i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
