Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
