I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize