Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
