You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
