I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
