Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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