Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i think i just lost a toe
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
