Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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