Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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