I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
