I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
