hell yes lets make some ravioli
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i now understand why vodka
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
tell me about the eggs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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