do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Jerry, you need to find god
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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