I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
