its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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