i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
