that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
