So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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