Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
