I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am midnight drunk by noon
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
