dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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