My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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