She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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