I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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