we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
