hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
