Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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