I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
