My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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