Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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