I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize