I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
