Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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