Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize