I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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