If i come over, it means nothing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
