yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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