At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
