thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize