why didn't you poke me back
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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