so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
