Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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