We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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