You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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