I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
