The maid of honor just puked.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize