I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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