We're facebook friends in real life
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my shit smells like andre
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
