Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
