I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize