I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
