you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
