Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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