I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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