I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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