He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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