i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
