There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
