"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
