i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I did not marry a roomba.
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