Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize