I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
