Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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