I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
