Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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