we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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