Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
