I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
