ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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