She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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