Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
