Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
