I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
