We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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