We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
